Hey, all. I know it’s been a while, life was keeping me busy. But I could use an outlet for a time.

So back last Fall I mentioned relationship stuff. I didn’t bring it up again, mainly due to there being no updates (also due to Depo screwing with my moods and making everything register as Level 20 rage. Thank God I stopped it, I’m so much happier!). But last week, there was an update.

In short, boyfriend and I were visiting (I go up to his place for convention weekends, since we often carpool to conventions we attend together), and he came out to me as Aromantic. He explained he had felt that way for at least a year/year and a half, but really hadn’t been able to put a label on it until he was talking with other friends and figured it out. His next hurdle was how to tell me. Because we live 7-ish hours apart, and because I’ve had bad experiences with shitty long-distance breakups before, he wanted to do it in a respectful fashion for me. At the same time, I was wanting to have the ‘It’s been 3+ years, where the heck are we going?’ chat while I was up there, so it ended up working out that way last week.

I felt so bad for him. He was absolutely petrified, scared I would be mad, or I’d not want anything to do with him, or any of the worst-case scenarios. Me? I told him it was fine. It’s not anything he chose to spite me, I’ve always felt good being with him, and he was letting me loose so I could find someone who could give me what he couldn’t in a relationship.

I still don’t know how I feel about it, on my end. I have respect for the guy, and I’d had a feeling for a long time that something was amiss, but I thought it was a ‘rough patch’, or it was something we would smooth over and get back to what we were. Not that he would come out to me and cut me loose. I don’t hate him, I mainly hurt because he was someone I could have seen myself staying with for much longer under other circumstances because we got along so well.

So I’m vacillating. I go from being fine to tearing up back to being fine, lather rinse repeat. It...kinda sucks.