Go ahead, sloth. You eat and I'll watch you, so I don't stress eat.

I can't believe I'm stressed about something as silly as my high school reunion. But, here's a little back story. So this reunion is two things. One, it is my class's 5 year reunion (Yep. Fishnets is a baby), BUT my school is relatively new. In fact it was founded in 1993. Yep, you guessed it, this is also the 20th anniversary of the school. So what does the school do? INVITE EVERYONE. That's right, from the first class to class of '09 (the newest class to all hit the drinking age, everyone is invited. This means that potentially EVERYONE I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH will be there.

So there's stress number one (which is incredibly dumb, but just roll with me): I am really worried about how I look. My body type has changed a lot since high school. Tits and ass hit me like a freight train in college (Example: I was a size 8/34B in high school, by the end of sophomore year of college, I was a size 14/36DD.) My friends who I have kept in touch with all agree that we were all littler then. Mostly due to the fact that we had adolescent bodies, and now for the most part we have adult bodies. Still, there's this part of me that is really dreading that one group of girls I really hated (you know the ones I'm talking about) looking at me and going: damn, she got fat.

The result is I'm stressed about my dress, and what bra I'm wearing, and my make-up, and hair, and all this stuff I don't normally give two shits about. I care about how I look, and try to make sure I clean up good, but I don't stress about it.

But when I'm really honest with myself, I know that all of my stress is really linked back to stress number two: my abusive scumbag of an ex-boyfriend.


I do not know if he will be there. He has not tried to contact me in a while and since 2009 every time he has tried to contact me I have simply deleted the messages he has sent me. He usually only contacts me when a relationship of his is failing or if there's something going on where he thinks he can weasel his way back in. I don't want him in my life, he is poison. Last time, it was last year when a mutual teacher (my favorite English teacher) passed away suddenly. Despite him talking about how much he cared though about this teacher, he didn't bother showing up for the funeral or the renaming of the library.

I don't know if he's in NYC. I don't know if he's going to be there. He might be just too lazy to show the fuck up. All I know is that I haven't seen him in almost five years, and I don't want to. Because I'm afraid he still has power over me. This was my first relationship, and I was emotionally abused the entire time. I was his plaything, his pet, and there is some part of me that is afraid that despite all the work I've done, that if I see him, he'll have some control.

I hope he won't be there, and if he is Mr. Fishnets will be there too so hopefully he'll leave me alone. I keep telling myself that if he is there I will calmly tell him that I have no interest in talking to him, and that I would like him to leave me alone. If he persists I will not let Mr. Fishnets punch him in the face (something he, and most my friends, would love to do), and instead go inform an organizer that he will not leave me alone and that he should be dealt with.


Thank god this thing's going to have an open bar.