So Jezzies, I'm the proud new owner of a shiny golden uterine implant and I'm here to tell my tale.

Me and my guy have been sort of getting it on for some months now and honestly, we've been gambling with fate. He doesn't handle condoms well and neither do I. I've tried birth control pills before, in two other countries and the results were mixed. In the US, the dose was so high that I developed dark circles under my breasts.

In Denmark, the dose was lower or I had a different formulation, and I was much better on those. But they messed with my blood circulation and robbed me of my sex drive. My vadge is usually like a slip and slide, but even my former guy noticed how much dryer I was. And when I woke up with no feeling in my fingers tips from high blood pressure (my high sodium diet from my 90 hour work week helped in this regard), I stopped.

Not wanting to try more birth control pills since I heard that the dose on my new home country is even higher than the US's, a non hormonal IUD was the logical choice.

My gyno here is great and told that while I'm not an ideal candidate since I've never had children, he would be more than happy to set me up. On the day of insertion, he gave me the choice of copper or gold (which is really copper with a gold core). I only rock gold jewelry, so the choice was easy. But the insertion wasn't!

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Good God, it hurt so much, I almost called off the whole thing. He tried to insert without dilating my cervix since I had just finished my period, but no go. So he had to insert three metal rods to open up my cervix and I almost threw up. Like, I could feel it stretching with each new rod. By the time he place the third one, I was in agony. The second attempt at insertion was successful and all the instruments were removed. I felt like throwing up. To lighten the mood, my gyno said, "It's all over, you can test it out tonight!" with a big grin. I was in no mood. I made my way home and curled up with a bottle of whiskey and chocolate. But even several hours later, the cramps were still kicking my ass and I hobbled to the store for some ibruprofen. The cramps lasted for another day and I've been spotting since Monday, but it is lighter and I think should stop in the new few days.

I should add, I've suffered from bad cramps for years, which leads me to believe I'm just really sensitive down there. I can feel when I'm ovulating and can tell which ovary is releasing its egg. And the insertion felt like a terribly strong, drawn out cramp. So maybe your experience will vary.

The guy friend is away and gets back in about a week. Hopefully me and my golden vadge will be ready for his arrival!