UPDATE 2

Holy shit, he's here right now!

UPDATE

So rather than do many of the things I wanted to do, I wrote KKKoolGuy69_4U an email back yesterday, just an simple reminder that this is THE FUCKING INTERNET. I kept all my options open in case he got threatening or what have you. But here's the response:

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So while I'm not sure I did a good thing, I didn't have to make a whole mess of problems for myself and I successfully made a troll shit his pants. Huzzahs are in order!