So I bought a scale and weighed myself and I was frankly shocked that I've gained as much as I have in 2 years. This (along with the button popping incident) have really gotten me thinking about some of the choices I've been making. I knew I wasn't feeling right, I knew wasn't fitting in my clothes properly and I knew I wasn't as fit as before but I didn't think I'd let it get this out of hand.

I've mentioned that I was going to start working out again...and I didn't. I started making little excuses again. But seeing the number there really puts in it undeniable print. I've never been this heavy. I've never felt this uncomfortable in my own skin. And I wondered why that was but now I have a definable number that basically says: "Hey there, this is why you've been feeling so poorly. Remember the last time you felt this way? You were too heavy then, too."

I've been getting slower and feeling worse but I figured it was just stress. But then I really thought about it and I haven't been that stressed. I've got a fun job that I'm about to start moving up in. I live with my mom so I don't have to stress about making rent or keeping a roof over my head. I thought about what I told iamcalm,andskeptical about feeling great when I was exercising and cooking new foods and learning about the new ways my body could move. I was giving great advice without taking it. I felt AMAZING when I was doing that stuff.

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I have no health issues keeping me from going back to that. I just haven't been eating well and I haven't been exercising. I know how to get myself in shape, I just haven't been doing it. Now that I have a definable number, I know which number I'm shooting for. I always do better when I have a definable goal; fitting into my clothes again is part of that but the scale will allow me to see progress week-to-week.

Anyway, I actually went for a walk today on my treadmill for half an hour and OH MY GOD my body feels like it just ran a marathon. After a half hour of walking. I've got some serious work to do. But I'm looking forward to upping my flexibility, getting leaner and stronger and being able to run again. It'll take some time but if I work at it, I can make my body healthy again.

And be as enthusiastic about working out as this guy: