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I graduated!!

Yesterday I presented my project to my supervisor, boss (or externally committed as it's called) and second reader. After some tough questions and some waiting time while they discussed things, they said I passed!

I wasn't very happy when I heard it though, the thing left a bad taste in my mouth. Why? Because my supervisor along with my third reader (who just reads the report and decided the grade based on that) graded my project a 7.2. (out of 10). Although my presentation got a whopping 9.5 and my boss and other reader were convinced of an 8, she didn't budge one bit. My boss and I got the strong feeling that she had just let the third reader decide and didn't stick up for me with regards to the grading. The last six months I've felt on many different occasions that she didn't have my back and wasn't cut out to be a graduation supervisor and this proved that I'd been right.

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When my boss asked her if she could maybe explain what I'd done wrong in my report to get this grade, she expressed that she felt uncomfortable for having to defend that (although she did). One of the reasons was that my research question was to broad. Which struck me as odd, as this was the same research question that she'd seen many many times and approved. How could it be wrong all of a sudden? (she was also prone to saying things such as "I looked it over, I didn't really read it in detail but I have good faith that it'll be fine.")

Why does this bother me? No one is ever going to look at that grade ever again. Although I can present my project easily no one needs to know what grade it got, right? Right. And yet I can't escape this thought that says "This proves you're not as good as you thought you were. Maybe you should give up on this whole career thing of yours and just do whatever job you can manage to grab. You'll never be great at this. You aren't a special snowflake. Give it up." And I hate that thought.

Still... I GRADUATED!!!! DRINKS ARE ON ME!

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