I dreamed that my mom died. My sister and her Bible study leader (who has gotten involved in trying to "save" my parents' marriage for the past two years) were the ones who told me. Then they started talking about the funeral. "My dad is not coming, is he?" I asked. They looked at me like I was crazy, but with pity. "Of course, he has to come." "NO!" I screamed. "He can't come! He'll just take everyone's sympathy and smile and soak up all the attention and HE ISN'T EVEN SAD! He didn't even love her! He is NOT coming!"

Then I woke up. I woke up screaming and crying and cried for like 10 minutes. It was the worst dream I've ever had in my life. Then I called my mom, even though it was 2 am, because I wanted to make sure she was okay, but of course she didn't answer because it was 2 am.

I don't think I even registered my mom dying as a conscious fear before now, and suddenly I'm terrified of it. Subconscious, why are you so fucked up?!