... When that friend, you know that friend, text messages you post-coitus, to tell you that the chick she's just been boning like 10 mins before and is still in bed with saw a pic of you on Instagram wearing your bad-ridiculous-ass snapback cap and was all, "MY friend went on a date with this girl with a hat like that..."

The queer community here in Awesometown, USA is just way too damn small and it seriously creeps me out. Time to duck back into the fringes where I belong!!