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I hate it when I trigger myself - body issues

Ugh. Shit you guys. I just majorly triggered myself by clicking on the article about the pregnant lady who has abs 4 days after birth. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I feel awful right now. I feel so fat and flabby and I have to go back to work tomorrow and be in front of my entire department. After the initial baby and water weight I dropped 30 of the 55 pounds I gained in 6 weeks. The past 6 weeks I've only lost another 5. I can't even wear my fucking wedding ring still which means my fingers are fat. It's so embarrassing that I have to be seen like this. But even if I manage to ever drop this 20 pounds hanging out in my gut and thighs, I will still always have stretch marks covering my stomach, marking my thighs. I know I'm supposed to feel empowered that my body gave birth but this is just another reminder of the mistake I made. I'm too selfish to be a mom. I hate being needed all the time. I resent my husband that his body is the same, he gets to leave the house daily, he has no pressure to be perfect. All his strengths of amplified, while all my weakness are. I feel so sad and so disgusting. I honestly don't know how I'm supposed to function at work tomorrow. I feel like I'm going to get fired because I won't be able to do my job.


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