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I have a kind of serious...self-reflective...question...

Do you think you have to be really okay with yourself to be with someone else?

I ask because my boyfriend and I come from really different backgrounds. I'm an only child to two doting (although not obnoxiously so) parents with whom I am extremely close. I probably have too many issues for having such great parents, but...whatever.

My boyfriend comes from a broken home. He was born 12 years after his sister. A "mistake" by his estimation, which makes sense given the fact that his mother has told him a number of times that she was planning on having an abortion and, in anger, that she wished she had. His dad left when he was young. He's not close with his sister. His mother didn't believe him when, at 12, he told her he was being molested. Basically just a bunch of shit.


The issue is that I'm very nervous that he's leaning on me too much for his happiness. I've spoken of issues we've had, stuff he's done, but I won't get into that now. He's really pushed back at my suggestion (at times demand) that he enter therapy. I split with my ex earlier in the year and I have a toddler, and my boyfriend already refers to us a "family." He has friends but he just seems to wrap up all of his happiness and well-being with us.

I can sometimes be unemotional and while I wouldn't call myself independent, I need a LOT of time to myself. I have a hard time empathizing with how he feels, but that may partly be because I am different. My instincts just tell me that a person has to be secure and mentally stable on their own...that they can't depend on another for that. Am I just totally lacking in sensitivity here? You can be truthful, it's difficult for me to have perspective around this.

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