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I Have a Useless Crush But I'll Take It

Happy Friday GT! It’s rare that I have any positive dating stories to share, but it’s 4:30, the office is dead and my mind is wandering to the party I attended last weekend and the guy I hooked up with in the back seat of his car...

First of all let me say (TMI) that I’m not really all that into receiving oral sex. Like it’s good, it’s fine...but then I want to get to the real deal you know???


But oooooooooh chile did he know what he was doing!

But let me back up. I went to Charlotte last weekend for a friend’s 90s hip hop throwback house party. It was, in the parlance of the day, the bomb. The DJ was great and the dancing! All I can say is I love my people. Plus having a house party is a luxury for New Yorkers because we don’t have houses. Still, I told the birthday girl I was only coming if she promised there would be attractive single men because that’s a long way to travel for a party.

Welp...she delivered.

I will spare you the rehash of all the reasons I absolutely hate dating in New York City but suffice it to say I was eager for some new blood. Apparently my friend got the message and basically invited every single dude she knew in Charlotte and insisted they bring friends. One such random dude decided to follow me like a puppy all night and since I was “on vacation” and kinda turnt up I was like ok, let me flirt a bit...


What ensued was a make out session totally worthy of the party’s theme. We “went to throw out the recycling” and kissed in the side yard by the garage for like 30 minutes.


Then, not wanting to scandalize the birthday girl’s neighbors, we took it to the back seat of his car and my mind got totally blown.

He was a little too drunk (*whomp whomp*) so nothing of his got blown until the next morning, when we ended up back at his place because P.S. by the time we were done making out everyone in the house had gone to sleep and we were locked out. Oops! Hahahaha! #memories


Anyway, we’ve spoken on the phone two nights since then and I’m kind of twitterpated! He’s a country boy, South Carolina born and raised, not sure he went to college. But humble and nice and intelligent enough to be really funny! When we got back to his house it was almost 6AM and he didn’t push anything too far. Instead he turned on the tv to Law & Order and we fell asleep on the couch which OMG IS EXACTLY WHAT I WOULD DO IF I WENT HOME ALONE!


I can’t stress enough how at 36 a big part of what I’m looking for in a dude is someone who doesn’t fuck up the system I already have in place but just contributes some good sex and occasional house chores (heavy lifting, things I can’t reach) to the existing scenario.

It was kind of perfect. Law & Order plus big snuggly man arms. That’s basically all I need.


Ok, probably in the long run I need someone who lives in my state. And someone I actually find attractive, which I don’t think I do...I think I just like his personality (and his body) that much. I’m pretty sure our kids would look like a cross between Lilo and Charlie Brown.


But for today I’m gonna say AMEN and HALLELUJAH I managed to spend some sexy time with a guy I don’t totally hate. It was about damn time! I’ve been swooning ever since.

Any other fun sexy time stories to share? Any possible sexy times coming up this weekend?

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