So I came home, made myself a snack that consisted of 4 different kinds of cheese, a few olives, smoked almonds, and a glass of red wine that my roommate so graciously left for me, and I've been curled up watching season 3 of Dexter for a few hours. We keep it classy around this piece.
I talked to a counselor at my college yesterday about the sadness I've been experiencing throughout the semester, mostly blowback from what happened with my aunt 6 weeks ago. She commented that she was proud how I've kept up with my grades, but wishes I'd been coming in for sessions since the first time I met with her. Probably would have been a good idea, but oh well, I am going now.
It was weird to hear her use the term "depression" to describe the way I've been feeling and acting, because in my mind, depressed for Natface means not sleeping, not eating, not answering the phone, refusing to go to class, and not taking care of myself. I haven't missed a day of class outside of when I had to move, and one mental health day I took later on when my insomnia got out of control for a week or so, and I was too sleep deprived to really function. I have been eating, (not always in the most healthful manner, but I'm working on that) I talk to my friends, and it looks like I'm going to finish the semester with As and Bs in my courses. So, that's all really good, and it's a hell of a lot of progress made from the point where I would have totally let my life go down the toilet because of somebody else's poor treatment of me.
But, I've been worried, anxious, generally sad, and lonely, and sort of disinterested in things outside of my classes. Don't get me wrong, my friends are wonderful, but my roommate is gone a lot, and it's just hard to go through something like becoming estranged from family without some kind of regular support. I feel like this would be easier if I had a partner, or just a nearby best friend that I could talk to openly in person about this. But, I have GT, and you guys have been awesome as my sounding board and support system.
I just really hope the spring semester brings a little light into my life. I'm ready to feel excited about things again.