...So to continue from the last tale, I was deep in the woods, watching my hedgehog friend run, astride a majestic racing cat, with only a stylish pearl handgun to protect me. I was searching for a enemy causing havoc in the forest of groupthink and a bear was ready to pounce.....
The bear smiled and twinkled and held up his paw. "Listen miss, I'm not going to eat you. You are stringy and tough and I'm far too enchanted by these images in the forest." In the sky sparkled and flash and twisted. I was about to apologize to the bear for invading his forest but he stopped me. It's cool. It's cool. As violent as Mars and as magical as a wizard, even a pretender, the bear showed his teeth and ran into the woods.
I was alone with only the cat breathing. Leaves rustled "Are those trolls?" I suspect it might be something far more frightening. I began to weep and I felt lost. The cat also began weeping. "WHY AM I STUCK IN THE WOODS WITH A JERK?" The cat cried. I felt insulted. You know, that really hurt, even if this was a wondrous cat. What about my feelings? The cat wished she was at home, teaching the kittens to jig and dance and waltz, like all good cats do. I lit a torch, while the cat mumbled something about fire safety.
I looked at the cat and said, "We need to go into the forest and see these images for ourselves" The cat mumbled, "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberry." But we moved forward regardless. I kept seeing flashes and pops and was so fearful as if I was lost in a dream. I took courage, like Polly Jenna Stone, the ancient sentient rock formation.
And I walked through the woods and near a pool sat a woman looking at her complexion. She was entranced as the moonlight shined, while a majestic unicorn snickered and pointed and questioned her sanity. Behind that unicorn sat a small griffin snickering at the her. The griffin had declared herself Pope and wore a tall hat and sat on a litter. I coughed and tripped and they stared.
The Pope looked angrily, "WOMAN, WHY DO YOU DARE DISTURB OUR MIDNIGHT REVERIE??!?"
"Uh... I was wandering east and looking for the sun when I got lost and found myself here."
The woman by the lake held up a rod and the unicorn several knives and they both suggested that I leave. "But I'm here because there is a great plague that has befallen us in the woods." I spoke up hopefully. Pope Griffin spat, "There is nothing we despise more than quest— an epic quest to destroy evil." I shuddered, "But you don't understand...?!?!" The Griffin stopped me and told me that they had stopped all their quests and the Unicorn had gained her Master's Degree with all her free time and the lady of the lake mastered killing and eating these mysterious bulbous purple plants.
They both smiled and the held up their weapons and bared their teeth. I felt as if they were giving me mixed messages. I wish I knew what to do. I wish there was a sage that could offer me advice. But I was alone. Sadly and terribly alone. The sky was ablaze and still I became more frightened, needing guidance. I felt weary and vague as if I had drunk the dew of the faeries. I had dawdled far too long with strange people and felt as I was allowing a great plague to ravage our land and butcher our people.
But sleep overcame me. The sky went black and still. And I was gone.
Three tiny pugs, with their sausage arms, giggle and smile. "HELLO, LADY. WELCOME TO OUR LAND. WE ARE SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE AND WE LIKE TO EAT AND POOP AND EAT." I stared at these tiny little dogs bouncing up and down and up. The smallest one bared his teeth and said, "HELLO, LADY, MY NAME IS BEASTIEWINKS!" The next one told me that his name was "SPLIT PEA SOUP." And the largest one, who was more bulldog than pug and wearing something he called "Haute Couture" smiled and said he was called "GINGERBREAD OREOS."
They smiled, they preened, they wanted to know who I was and where I had been. I tried to describe them what had happened, even talking about this wondrous cat. Their eyes were like saucers and they shuddered in fear. The went into their closet and hauled out a picture of a majestic lady.
Gingerbread oreos smiled, "This is our Queen. You must seek her out if you want to return to your land and find out what has befallen your people. She has powers. POWERS."
I did not understand these pugs and how their minds worked, they don't even know where I grew up and where I came from. They are making me quite angry. How did they think this random lady—even if she was very accomplished and wise— could solve anything in my land. But the pugs did not care. They began to play their panpipes and dance and I knew then, nothing would be resolved tonight. They smiled, "Look for our queen..."
....To be continued.