I held one of my closest friend's babies tonight. I want one. I can't have one. I am depressed. It really didn't help that I am amazing with babies (it has red hair! Neither her nor her husband has red hair), my husband fell in love with her, and my husband kept saying he really wants a baby and now he's sad.

I am thrilled for her though. This took years for her, and a few bumps along the way. And I know I'll always be auntie, so I'm good there.

I just have that ache, knowing I'll never get those first few years. It's just another thing my disabilty has taken from me, and really, from my husband. I thought I was over that.

At any rate, I have more foster care training tomorrow, which is going well, and thanks to those of you who are checking in on that. We have some things to work on in the house, but we did our livescan. Tomorrow's training is a potluck- which I find weird and cool at the same time. For those of you thinking about it, it's pretty simple really- lot and lots of personality type questions re: childhood, upbringing, health, and your responsibilities to a child. Fingerprinting, and training (so far anyway).

I'm going to go finish my wine and hug my dog.