Who the fuck thinks it's ok to treat a woman like that? A customer! A tipsy person in your car in an unfamiliar area late at night!!!

My friend and I were splitting a cab back from a kink party. She gets out at her place, hands me money for the fare, and I continue home. As soon as she's out of the car the driver starts getting chatty, which is suspicious but not out of line. What IS out of line is when he mentions he has tense muscles and really wants a massage on his day off tomorrow. And then asks me if I know massage. And then asks me if I will give him a massage. For payment. Like the Chinese do.

Do I tell him flat out no? Of course I do! Do I try to shut down the conversation? Of course I do! Does he persist in asking me while we drive slowly down empty side streets in a sketchy part of town? Of course he does!

I know it's not my fault but I can't help but wonder what I did wrong. I know it's not my fault but I feel kinda icky now. I know it's not my fault but I feel a little cheap and insecure. It took me a long time to feel like my body was worthy of respect. Bodies like mine weren't beautiful. Beauty was seen in classy magazines , protected by bodyguards or worshipped by boyfriends. Nobody wanted what I had except boys. Girls and boys both would paw at me and laugh and expect me to take it as a compliment. nobody protected bodies like mine from assault because bodies like mine were meant to be assaulted. We were seen in strip clubs and grabbed in rap videos and treated like cum receptacles. Something to use and then dispose of before your white friends came over. I always felt desirable- I never felt beautiful. That shame led to me getting taken advantage of again and again until I happened upon someone who treated me like a beautiful person, and by the time he left me I believed it enough to treat myself like that. I have rarely looked back. I hate looking back there. That cab driver made me look back, made me remember what it was like feeling like a receptacle. I was so angry at him for that but I didn't say anything. Just paid him and left.

Fuck Existing While Brown. Fuck Existing While Female. Fuck rape culture.