I've mentioned my sister's problems before. (Here is the back story.) Anyway, long story short, she's leaving for Scotland in three and a half weeks, she already has her visa, and half her stuff is already there. She's gonna go through with this. My mom and I have been feeling a lot of complex emotions - sadness, grief, anger at her for judging us and cutting us out of her life, for me personally I've been angry with her for ditching out on my wedding and getting married so close to me that I can't afford to be at hers, and above all utter terror for her at what she is getting herself into. She has no idea. But I do, and I don't want her to suffer that way. I keep having really sad dreams about her. We were so close as kids, best friends. We did everything together. 15-year-old me could not have fathomed that she wouldn't be my maid of honor, let alone not be at my wedding.

My mom told me today that none of her friends have offered to throw her a shower. That made me sad, too. She's not close to many people, and apparently none of them are close enough to give her the things I'm getting, the craft parties and showers and the community excitement. My parents aren't even going to the wedding, as of right now - it's going to be her future in-laws, and one friend who really just wants to go overseas anyway. So I offered to throw her shower. And, to my surprise, she accepted.

It's gonna be hard for me to make it through this without crying. She wants little to do with me - I'm the apostate "women's libber" who rejected her religion. She's moving to another country and says she doesn't plan on even visiting. And I think she is marrying an abuser. On top of which, my mom is really struggling with the whole thing, much more than me, and she's really, really angry and hurt that my sister is rejecting her so thoroughly. I think my mom might be angry with me for offering, too. But I know this is the right thing to do. My sister is going to need a friend if things go the way I expect them to, someone who won't judge her and will love her no matter what. I'm the only one in her life in a position to be that for her. And I know I'm in a good enough emotional place to be able to help her, if I need to.

I just needed to vent, guys. Thanks for listening.