People need to just listen to me.

Consort Fluffybutt had to take his mother to the hospital. From what I've gathered, she's ok. But that's all I've gathered because he won't listen to me or tell me anything.

Now, I'm most certainly not a doctor or even close to one. But - my mom has worked in a hospital for over 20 years. I grew up surrounded by doctors, surgeons, nurses, and researchers. I understand most medical jargon because of this as well as my mom having never sugarcoated any diseases or injuries (for example, I had a heart murmur when I was a baby, and since I was old enough to be able to understand, I knew that I had one and what exactly it was). I can even read a doctor's handwriting. My mom is often referred to in her job as an "honorary doctor" as she's worked there so long, she's able to make many diagnoses with an amazing accuracy. I want to go into medical research/journalism. Neither my mom nor I are doctors, but we're no stranger to medical problems or the medical field.

So when any of my friends or their parents have problems, it is known to come to me. My mom and I combined have been able to make simple diagnoses (as far as things like infections, what to do with a wound, viruses, and even chest pain as my mom works incardiac health), gotten people "free" doctors visits, and have even had ambulance and ER visit fees waived.

So when my boyfriend tells me his mother is having stomach pain, and I ask for specifics, fucking answer me before you TAKE HER TO A HOSPITAL ON THE OTHER SIDE OF BROOKLYN.


In his defense, the following events were not decisions made by him.

First, she's having stomach pain. That's all I know. I do not know what kind or where exactly, just that she had stomach pain. She also has lymphedema, which is basically fluid retention. She has it in her legs, and it's at an advanced stage so it's very, very severe, and she's morbidly obese due to it. Consort said it sounded like she had a hernia. So, I'm like call and ambulance and go to [hospital that my mom works at] as my mom will take care of them. What happens instead?


Consort's mom wants to be driven to a completely different hospital, one near Prospect Park. I immediately start flipping because this is a morbidly obese, disabled women who potentially has a hernia that is asking her husband who has a back problem to physically get her into the car and then drive to the hospital that is nowhere near them. There are a plethora of ways that this could go horribly, horribly wrong, and it did because she ended up tearing skin on her leg causing fluid to leak out and potentially leading to infection. Consort was trying to get his mom to listen to him/me, but she just wasn't having it.

So they get her to the hospital, and of course she has to wait to get into the ER. My mom is like "there are four hospitals in South Brooklyn that I have a hand in, any one of those I could have gotten her a bed in two minutes. Why didn't they listen?" And honestly, I do not know. Consort's mom's doctor isn't at this hospital or anything, so I have no clue why the preference.


Now they're still in the hospital, and Consort is of course freaking out. My mom is asking me to ask him for more details (what kind of pain, where exactly, etc) so she can at least get an idea of what it sounds like. But instead, he's just not telling me anything and is getting all snappy. I get it, I do. His mom is in the hospital. But I'm trying to tell him to relax and explain to me/my mom the situation so we can at least tell him if he should be worried, and...nothing. So I can't reasonably tell him to calm down because for all I know she has fucking internal bleeding going on and could die any second since I know nothing about the situation.

Is this a normal reaction? Like I said, I grew up in a hospital. I've always been able to stay calm and objective in these kinds of situations. I've hung out in the ER with my mom on many occasions. I've been to the ER myself a handful of times. I know the procedures and what the doctors will do and what they will say. More often than not, a doctor explains something to a patient and their family in a way that makes it sound worse than it is. I've had friends think their parents were dying because of something relatively simple, until my mom stepped in and was like "fucking doctors. You dad is fine. What's going on is [blank]. It's no big deal."


I just wish he'd listen to me. If he would take a breath and be like "ok, she has this kind of pain in this specific spot, and has been feeling this way for this amount of time and it hurts more when she moves this way," I could go to mom who could most likely tell me "oh, sounds like [blank]. Tell him it's common and not to worry." I don't understand why he's not. Is he just not as good at handling this type of stress as I thought/as well as I am? Or is it some weird underlying underestimation of me and my intelligence? I'm going to assume it's the former and I'm just being a pompous asshole.

*Sigh. I'm sure she'll be fine if her spastic son doesn't give her a heart attack.


ETA - Ok, I realize I'm being an asshole. It only took two commenters for me to realize. I'm just so used to this type of thing myself that I sometimes can't understand why it would be overwhelming for someone else.

I'm gonna call him and apologize and see if there's anything I can do to help. Thanks for letting me rant, everyone.


ETA 2 - I realized I made my mom sound like a damn witch doctor or something! Blah, nonono. She's not diagnosing people or prescribing pills. Like I explained to another commenter, people we know will often come to my mom first for a medical problem. If it's something relatively simple (acid reflux, pulled muscle, etc) then she'll give them some advice. If it's anything more, she'll be like "ok, this is what I think and I'm probably right, but go see a doctor anyway because I am not one." The "free" doctor visits are her just getting my friends in to see the doctors she works with if my friends lack insurance, and the ER/ambulance fees being waived she's done once or twice by speaking to the companies as someone with a higher position than a patient.