I always shut down & pull my memories close to my chest; check out of my current life & plan a run~away to anywhere. Being alone with my thoughts & heart has been a kind of shelter for 17 years. I know this is a weak & selfish response. I know that.
I will never, ever get over the people, New Yorkers, who were murdered. Never get over the choice they had to make in those minutes: jump or burn. Which is no choice at all. They, who could have been our own loved people, are the definition of bravery & courage. None of us could know what we would do if faced with that terrible decision. We can only hope we would be as brave.
17 years. How is it 17 years ago?
I can still see in mind, smell in my nose & taste in my mouth that day as if it were yesterday. Still feel the urge to run away, too.
I’m also not prepared to discuss the political failures that brought that day...
This year, tomorrow, I’m gonna do the same thing I’ve always done. Hide & lick some wounds. This is the very last time I’ll hide out.
On the 12th, I’m going to pick up my phone & make calls for voter turn out. And every September 11th going forward, I’ll take a quiet minute & then take action. It is a commitment I’ve made to myself tonight & I’m telling you about it so you can hold me to it. Shitty of me that it took this many years.
Action is the best way to honor people, maybe. Probably it is.