I have a chronic disease. It was diagnosed about a year ago. It sucks. Sometimes I’m really dizzy. Sometimes I have trouble walking. Mostly it’s just hurts to move. Some days are worse than others.
My family refuses to accept that this is a thing. ARE YOU FEELING BETTER? They keep asking. No, motherfucker. It’s like asking if your diabetes is feeling better.
WELL, maybe you’ll feel better when you move home! Hopefully you’ll feel better in time for the party! Maybe being near your mother will help (no, no, no no to that one.) We’ll come over and all go hiking! (that is not going to happen, I can barely walk around the block most days.)
I don’t even know what to say anymore. I know that they are trying to show that they care, but it feels like they are being clueless on purpose. I know they are frustrated that I am not the dancing, kayaking, long walks around the city girl that I was before. I’m sorry, she’s not coming back, at least as far as I can see.
It’s gotten to the point where I’m dreading seeing any of them. I don’t want to talk about the illness anymore. And I don’t want to explain how no, I can’t walk two miles to the museum. Yes, I know it’s just two miles. No, it doesn’t go away if I just ignore it. Really.
That is why I have a handicapped placard now. My family doesn’t even know I have it, because they will give me SUCH a hard time about it - YOU don’t need that! If you just TRIED you could do it! You aren’t handicapped! You’re not in a wheelchair! I can’t even.
Thank you, just venting.