Happy Birthday to the Groupthink bouncer dude who monitors the door, making sure the shitheads stay out and keep their fights on the sidewalk. so I don't get drinks spilled down my dress when a couple of assholes start shoving each other around.

In honor of your birthday, and because Project Breadway is one of my favorite things ever, I got you something totally perfect for you! I got you some sexy bread.

Here is some sexy bread.

This is pretty sexy, this lady ripping up bread in a bathing suit. Seems like that's going to be a big mess to clean up later, but OK.

When in doubt, always, always, use a sexually provocative picture of a woman to sell your product. Even if it's just a loaf of multigrain bread.

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This bread looks like a penis.

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And this bread looks like boobs.

I, uhhh.....I don't really know what this is.

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Don't go too far down the 'sexy bread' Google images rabbit hole, guys. There's some things that aren't right. They just aren't right.

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRITTER!!!!!!! YOU ROCK!!!!