Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery

So I am not going to put a bunch of pre-amble but like a lot of people I have one, big, sopping asshole of an ex. I do not have contact with said ex. But I have friends in common still. Friends who like to drunkenly update me on his living situation, despite my lack of asking.

I got a big helping of unsolicited updates last night.

Guys? It made me feel so good about my choices. Namely my choice to not speak to him ever, ever again.

Highlights? He got his friend to tattoo a smiling ketchup bottle on his forearm.
For extra context, little shit-burger doesn't even like ketchup, and is super afraid of needles! I bet it was awful for him.
Kid also has a green mohawk, has moved into a place with a maniacal pyromaniac, and sat idly by while one of the few semi-responsible people he knows got punched in the face over not wanting to sweep the deck. Said punchee, and room mate of horrible no good ex, is now moving out and taking all shared furniture with him.

I already know he is constantly late for work, and on the cusp of being fired because he still had my cell listed as his primary home number TWO YEARS after we no longer talk to each other. Because for a while when things were still good he couldn't afford a cell phone, so he used mine.
So I got calls for a couple months which my new boyfriend picked-up. Nothing like being woken up at 6 am on a Saturday just to inform the person on the other line, "You have the WROOOOONG number. But he's probably still drunk, if you're curious as to where he is."

But there's something especially sweet about hearing the words, "He's gone off the deep end." I would like to say this is shocking, but its not. He wasn't like this when we were together, at least not this bad. But when someone calls you his "Moral Compass" it's not surprising that all hell breaks loose when you finally get away.
Mutual friend seemed slightly concerned for him, but mostly over it. He was sure to add, "You know, he really misses you."

Illustration for article titled I Need to Share My Schadenfreude!

Peoples, I really want to get to the point where I can forgive him and look back on our half a decade together with at least some fondness. They were great things about our relationship, beautiful shining moments of young love and absolute goodness dotted through-out. But the end was just So. Bad. I have shared bits and pieces of it before, and I am sure there are some who will read this and think I am being mean, but rest assured the guy deserves nothing less than prison time.
But I'll take his unhappiness in lieu of that.

So while I want to forgive and forget- and honestly this expunging of anger is helping that- I'm just not there yet.


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