In an attack of algorithmic mindfuckery, OKCupid has seemingly decided that what I'm looking for has been right there all along.
Hand to Flying Spaghetti Monster, out of the 11 guys in my home page suggested matches, currently included is:
-A friend of 4 years
-A friend of 7 years
-A dude I attended K-12 with
-The dude who broke up with me last week
-My current boyfriend (Calm your tits, we're poly.)
-My boyfriend's friend
-My best friend's ex
Go home, everyone. The internet is broken. And my vagina has apparently been forced into retirement.