Shit, I wrote the entire post and Kinja crashed when I hit post. Trying again.
So I prefer being alone to almost any kind of human interaction. It's always been the case, with the exception of my dearest friends, but it's got worse with age. I love being by myself and I'd routinely try and avoid outings and any sort of meetings with people. But it's proving to be a problem in my relationship because my boyfriend feels I'm ignoring him and don't love him. I've tried to explain this is who I am, but he doesn't believe me. We're rowing right now via skype and I decided to google my "symptoms" to see if it could be a disorder or I don't know, if it's normal or not. This is what I got:
The letter describes my experience more or less accurately. But I really don't like the advice given. For one thing, I don't enjoy superficial interaction, nor do I shy away from "deep" ones. On the contrary, I feel one of the reasons for my deepening need to be left alone is because everyone I loved having interesting conversations with has moved abroad or is too busy with their lives. I loved my university years because I lived in an academic environment with like-minded people, immersed in theory and learning, which is basically what I love best in life. What I hate about socialising is precisely the superficiality of most encounters. I hate to talk about inconsequential stuff that I don't care about. Anyway, what unnerved me especially was this part:
Both preferring to be alone and having a lack of interest in social interaction, are symptoms of several mental health disorders including schizotypal, schizoid and avoidant personality disorder. Some individuals with autism also prefer to be alone.
Is this true? Is it really that unusual to prefer to not be with people? I get that most people are willing to socialise and interact, but is it really a sign of disease if you don't? Does anyone feel the same way? Does it bother you? It didn't use to bother me until it proved a serious issue in my relationship, more serious than I realised so far, I think. I don't know how to solve it. (Therapy is out of the question, we don't many specialists here, nor do I have the financial resources).