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Sometimes I forget that my parents have hopes and dreams for me. I've done a pretty good job of murdering their fantasies of traditional success and happiness for me, by being what some people call a late bloomer/a complete fucking failure.

They are wonderful parents who are supportive and loving. And because they try not to project their hopes that I will "survive when they die"onto me, I forget that they haven't completely lowered the bar in terms of their expectations for my life.


This afternoon:

My Mom: Just think. When you have your first kid E(my niece) might be able to babysit.


Me: Ha! I hope E has other plans to make some weekend cash.

Mom: (Puzzled look) She would do it for free! E loves you. You wouldn't trust her to babysit?(My niece is currently 6 years old).


Me: What? No. I mean, I'm probably not having kids. Unless I move to Belair and have to take temporary guardianship of L's (my sister's) kids to keep them out of trouble in their neighbourhood.(Casually pouring juice while rapping the theme to Fresh Prince of Belair to myself)

Mom: (Stunned silence)

Me: (Still pouring juice and rapping)

Mom: Avalanche of Tears.


This was surprising! I kind of assumed that since my older sister has two wonderful children, whom we all invest a lot of love into, that I was off the hook. Despite being an awesome aunt, and loving it, I've never seen myself as a mom. I would have approached this more delicately, but I really had no idea my mom still had a hope chest in her mind for me...I thought we'd covered all of the major disappointments already. I might have to fake a marriage at some point to avoid seeing her cry again.

I love my mom, she's my favourite human. (She loves me so much she thinks I should take care of tiny humans).

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