I really want to thank everyone for weighing in on how you feel about your partners after years of being together.
I didn't respond because I was overwhelmed with how beautiful everyone's answers were. No two were the same but they each conveyed a genuine love and appreciation for your SOs. I wasn't expecting such a diverse response.
But it just made me really bummed out. I was pretty sure the butterfly feeling wasn't sustainable long term unless there was distance involved. That it was replaced by a slow, low burn. I wasn't surprised to hear these emotions wax and wane. Really. I was in love with my husband at one point and I remember that. Reading all these responses made me realize I haven't felt that way about him for years. I've resented the way he made me feel about myself, my body and my self-worth, which in hindsight was because I relied on him for my self-esteem. I haven't been sexually attracted to him either. I have sex to feel like I'm still sexually attractive to someone, not because I'm turned on. This is probably why the thought of having sex with other people is such an urge of mine. Posting the pictures was exciting, I felt something again! It made me realize what my relationship has been missing for a long time. I think I'm falling out of love with him.
I've just got so much baggage to unpack and address. Maybe trying to mend an unhappy relationship isn't something I need to tackle now? I can't shake the feeling that I'm being extremely unfair to my husband and it would be best to just let him go.