I refuse! You shall not force your liberal elitist ways with your coastal chowders unto me and mine! It’s time for REAL MURRICANS to demonstrate real chowder.

The kind of chowder for Main Street. For Johnny Cougar Mellencamp. For us true Americans working in the Heartland to support this great nation (*wipes tear from my right eye — never the left, because that’s for commie pinko bastards).

That’s right. American Chowder. Corn Chowder. With the flat and extended Midwestern vowels like everyone should have.

Like this beauty right here:

The kind of chowder that has corn, wheat, soy, potatoes, and pork in it. Definitely milk or cream. Practically every major American food crop is found in our chowder, because we are the salt of the earth in this great nation, not scampering around pulling bivalves out of the water.

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FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!! MURRICA!!!!!!!!!!!!