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I saw my cousin last night.

This is a photo my mom took of my cousin and her baby. My cousin was killed a little over a year ago when a trucker rear-ended her and her husband and daughter while they were driving home. She was 23. Her name is Raven.

I miss her very much, even though I have been cutoff from most of my family since leaving the religion I grew up in, and the last time I saw her was in 2011 at my brother's wedding. My cousin was always a sweet, loving, kind, hilarious person, and became a wonderful and caring mother. She was studying to become a kindergarten teacher.


In my dream, I went to a house and knocked on the door. Inexplicably, my cousin's family was there. I said hello to my aunt and uncle, and when I saw Raven I started crying. I hugged her and told her how much I missed her. We hung out and did family things but every time I looked at Raven I cried. My other cousin asked me what was wrong, but I didn't have the heart to tell her that this was a dream and that Raven is dead, in reality.

I spent as much time with her as I could and then my dream started doing its own thing, and I couldn't bring her back. But I stayed in bed all day, trying to sleep, just in case.

I never got to say goodbye to her, but now I feel like I was able to. I am probably the furthest thing from a spiritual, dream-believing kind of person, but I still feel like I really got to see her one last time.

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