This is eerily close to my real rubric, but alas, my students still panic. And, in their panic, they keep proving that it's in their best interest that I don't answer their emails.
initial email: HELP! thingy won't work
2 hours later: HELP! HELP! thingy still won't work, where are you?
2 hours 5 minutes later: Nevermind, solved it.
Yay on them being self-sufficient, but...
Now, before you accuse me of being a cruel unfeeling monster, I do have sympathy 'cause I've sent more then a few of these, and at least 2 per hour to my adviser the night before a big meeting. And, I never intentionally ignore students, I'm just sometimes not on the internet for a bit.
Also, PROTIP: When handing in assignments, don't plagiarize anything too fancy or that we haven't covered in class. It always triggers a google search.
comic source: PhD Comics