New Years Eve and Day are always bitter sweet for me. Not in any sort of abstract way, but more of the events that happened during the celebrations. This year was no different.

Let me take a step back and look at New Years past.

2006: I'm in a back yard party in the Castro dressed as a Beasty Boy from the Intergalactic music video (as are two of my roommates, because its a party and why the hell not?). The party is a blast but I don't know many of the people, save for my roommates, my best friend, and her friends. They are all really cute girls but the one I like the most is the one that dressed up as Lindy England for a Halloween Party. We posed for pictures while she pointed at my junk while I was nude with a sack on my head. I used to send her paintings of myself, riding a tiger while holding a sword, standing astride two amps while playing guitar, and her friends tell me she hung them up in her room. That night at midnight, we kissed. It was one of those playful but hopeful kisses, and I felt like if we had lived closer, we would have tried to be together. Shortly after she went to Africa to study,in a freak bus accident, she was the only person killed.

2010: My best friend and I had started seeing each other, but she didn't want to continue it. Heart broken, I went on a self imposed exile out of San Francisco to lick my wounds and make money. Even though I feel I'm over it, I still feel a tinge of pain when I see Emma Stone because she looks and sounds like her. On New Years Eve, I met up with some friends at a bar in SF and we sang Elton John songs until the ball dropped. It was glorious. Then I got a call from my ex: she was at a party in a loft art house and wanted me to drop by... to meet her new boyfriend. I was wringing my hands about it but one of my buddies that wasn't sleepy and wanted to keep partying talked me into meeting her. At the party the new boyfriend seemed super clingy, which at the time I passed off as him being intimidated of me. He gave me and my buddy ketamine for the first time (though he didnt take it himself). My buddy had a great time, but I started hallucinating something fierce. I was sitting between my buddy and my ex, and while I knew who they were, and that I loved them, I couldn't recognize their faces. My buddy said, "Oh shit, I get why you like [your ex], she looks just like your mom!" I told him to fuck himself, then I asked my ex to lead my to the bathroom, but only so I could tell her, "I love you and you can do better than this." Then I bounced. My exes boyfriend turned out to by a psychopath that beat her, facebook hacked her (he worked for facebook) and told everyone that she was a whore. If I ever see him on the street again, I will kill him.

2011: I'm in SF again to celebrate the new year. I'm with one of my best childhood friends at a bar about 8:00 and I go to take a piss and he asks to use my phone to talk to his girlfriend. I had started seeing this friend's exgirlfriend in secret a few months before. We both randomly ended up at the same party, and we had a good report, and one thing led to another, and we had sex (they had broken up a year before). We didn't know how to break it to my friend, but we decided to keep it under wraps because it might hurt him. Keep it a secret for a while until it wouldn't hurt him, was our thinking. While he was playing with my phone while i was in the bathroom, he saw our sexts, and figured out what was going on. When I came back he said, "I got to go" without looking me in the eye and tossed me my phone. Then I received texts from his ex about how sorry she was, and how humiliated. I made a choice to call it off with her to try to regain friendship with my buddy. That night I called up an exroomate and told her what had happened. She called off her new years plans and told me to come to her house. We sang youtube karaoke and danced like maniacs in our underwear like we did when we lived together. We love each other like siblings, but that night we loved each other like Lannister siblings. Today, I'm still friends with everyone, but it was a rough time.

2012: I had started seeing a cool new girl but she was in a concert on the same street I was partying at. I tried to text her, again and again, that I was nearby, hoping that we could kiss at midnight (I love that kiss). She got weirded out by me texting her constantly, but I wasn't trying to pin her down for the year, I just love the tradition of kissing at midnight. Anyway, she stood me up, so I felt sad and got drunk. A buddy tried to take me back to his place on his moped, but my foot slipped of the peg and got itself stuck in the chain, ripping my foot apart. On New Years Day my foot was torn to pieces, and this lady called me to say we wouldn't work out. I walked three miles home with blood soaking into my shoes because I could only process the heart ache. A few months later, after spending time together in Mexico, we became Boyfriend and Girlfriend again, and until it ended, it was sweet.


2013: THIS YEAR. So the first thing that happened was I saw Epic Beard Man on the BART. He was drunk and wearing shorts and a kids shirt, and I'm pretty sure he is dead now given how cold it is. He was yelling on BART about how he is going to punch out a cop and if he gets enough money panhandling, how much PUSSY he is going to get (he yelled the a whole fucking lot). Fuck that guy. I went to a bar in the Richmond with my friends, and we were having a great time. Until my latest Ex-girlfriend showed up with her new boyfriend. He is taller and younger than me, but I am buffer and more handsome (This is subjective, but I kind of have an issue with how handsome I count myself as. I feel I'm hot and make no apologies).

When she arrived my mood immediately dropped. I didn't want to let it on, but everyone was coming up and asking me with a sincere face, "how are you doing?" Every time I would say, "Great!" and give a thumbs up, but really I was hurting. I must have been reading SAD for everyone after that point, even though I was trying to be happy and chipper. I held it together until midnight on the count down, and I watched everyone kiss each other and I held onto my beer and took a long sip. After that, all my friends gave me long hugs and cheek kisses because they understood what I was going though. The buddy whos moped I was riding on last year asked me, "Hows it going?" I got this probably ten times already but this time I finally cried. "Not so good. I'm going to go home."

It was about three miles, but a friend walked with me the whole way telling me the samarilian story (he argued Tolkien was a better author than George RR Martin, which I fucking cannot stand but he was doing a good deed). When we got to my house I cooked us up a couple steaks, and no kidding, they were the best steaks I ever cooked in my life.