With bonus ex-star guest stars!
I looked really good last night. Maybe not Galadriel-level fierce, but certainly the fiercest one can look with just concealer, lipstick, and eyeliner. My ass was glorious, my top slid down over one shoulder, and with just a few dabs of makeup I looked like a romantic burlesque admiral or something. I was damn near impenetrable.
But fashion can only do so much.
Firstly I got a text from this girl I'd had an unfulfilling threesome with, basically asking if I wanted to do it again. She was nice, but I felt kind of pressured into that situation the last time and it didn't wind up very fun for me so I politely turned her down.
Secondly I was still a little bemused from the night before, when I invited one of my old friends over to watch Sound of Music Live! and he kissed me. This friend and I had a thing back in college, but he fucked it up and ran (why do they always run?!). Recently we reconnected and there are no hard feelings, but all my care for him is platonic. I thought this was mutual until that kiss. He told me he still cared for me and all that, but all his obfuscating kinda made me feel like he just wanted to fuck me.
I considered for the briefest of seconds and realized that i'd completely moved on (and I really don't need anymore ex drama anyway), so I politely turned him down and he went home. I think our friendship is still intact, but I'm gonna set that one on the backburner. Sigh...another one bites the dust....
Then last night, as I was preparing for the party I get a text from one of my ex roommates inviting me to her birthday party next week. Like the entire bloody saga of why we stopped talking to each other never happened. Since I moved out six months ago we haven't spoken unless it was a request for money. Now that I've paid money (yet received neither my security deposit nor an apology) she wants to be friends again? I miss my ex roommates, but I can't just go back like nothing ever happened.
So I get to Sokka's party and, just as I feared, none of our mutual friends could make it. Instead I was stuck with his friends asking me "so, how do you know him again? Are you really friends or are you just being PC?"
Keep in mind that, with the exception of his one high-school friend, I've known him the longest and most intimately of all the people at the table.
Not only is Sokka's new girl there, her sister and sister's bf are there too. And they're all perfectly nice people...but i'm just not feeling it. I try really hard to be a good guest and friend and engage her, but i'm trying too hard not to jump to conclusions about her so I'm confused as to whether I honestly find her annoying or not. She's young. Not super young, but to the 24 year old me who is used to struggling, her politics come off as idealistically sound but naive and privileged.
It's probably close to how I and my friends sounded in college so I don't really
fault her, but it's grating. I was conflicted because I felt it was unfeminist, uncharitable, unfriendly, un Korra-ey to dislike her...but eventually I just accepted it. I'm human, afterall. I'm allowed to dislike people and might have found her annoying anyway, and the quicker I accept it the quicker I can work past it.
Even though I didn't get to really talk to Sokka I left early. Jealousy is one hell of a party-killer and I didn't want to ruin it for him. I wish them both happiness, but based on the lot I know of him and the little I know of her I'm not sure they'll find it together. I won't be hanging out with him so much out of respect for their relationship, but he does need to tell her he's close friends with one of his exes. That could blow up real fast if he waits too long or neglects to mention it. I'm going to see him at least once before the New Year and we'll talk about it.
So I beat a hasty retreat and then headed off to the fetish party. On the way I took a wrong turn and ended up walking past the restaurant where my rapist and I used to work at. I spit my gum in their potted plant out front, pushed all triggering thoughts out of my head, and kept walking.
At the party I ditched my ass-hugging leggings for an ass-hugging skirt. My Galadriel was in full effect, swatting away men like flies- including this one dude who had belittled and insulted vulnerable young Korra at her second ever party. He must have forgotten who I was because he was much kinder to me than before, when he treated me like I was a freaky diseased slut when instead I was a drunk noob who had just been taken advantage of. I politely turned him down, but inside I was all HAHAHAHAHAHAH NO.
Alas, this party was awkward as well. ExGod was there and we kind of avoided each other most of the evening. Hera came later and we talked a bit but she was busy being hostess. So I spent most of the time making small talk and missing being exGod's sub. Eventually ExGod and I ended up chatting in a corner about our relationship and what went wrong and stuff. And I could tell he still liked me and felt conflicted, as did I, but there was a certain finality to it that wasn't there with Sokka. Like, he had a lot of other emotional stuff he needed to work on so he was in no place to pick things up again, and I was realizing that while I really miss him it never would've worked and it was good it ended when it did. And it struck me that just because you like someone's personality, are physically attracted to them, and your schedules are compatible, that doesn't mean you can make things work.
I did meet someone at the party though, she was friends of both exGod an Hera and was into the same type of things I was into. We exchanged information....then I found out way back when that she and exGod used to date....so, yep! None of that for me.
Then I went home and was going to cry but I was so drunk I fell asleep instead. I'm doing it tonight though, after work and my audition. I need cry-time.
Hit it, Whitney!!