Even though I already have a doctorate, I’m forced to take a course to supplement my Master’s degree in the hopes of achieving eligibility for professional licensure at that level (I can’t afford to pursue doctoral-level licensure right now. Clinical supervision works out to about $1200/mo, that’s after the $375 fee to apply for the residency).

I haven’t taken a course in almost 10 years, but I wasn’t expecting a 10-hr/wk load. This is on top of a full load as a mom, employee (literally overworked and underpaid), partner, and human being. I totally blew the first week, managing only 1 discussion question submission out of two and three peer responses out of four. I cried when I realized my flub because this is a monumental screw-up to me. I didn’t make straight As in school, but I had high performance standards and established organizational methods.

I stopped crying, put on my big-girl undies, and let the muscle memory from 13 years of post-secondary education kick in and I think I’ve been able to get the organizational piece down. There’s just so much riding on this class and I’m scared of fucking it up and watching what may be my last chance to do what I truly love, what feels 100% congruent, wither and die.

The part that pisses me off the most is that I probably should give up my Sundays until the class is over (mid-Sept). Six days/wk of work now. I already have so little time to do the things I enjoy. I will probably also have to kick some of the cooking over to Mr GV, who definitely can’t cook like I do. I don’t do anything elaborate, but I really try to get “real food” meals on the table on the days I have Little GV. We need to figure out what else I can outsource to him.

I have no idea how I’m going to pull this off. Yesterday, I just wanted to quit and that’s scary because I don’t remember the last time I truly got to the point of wanting to completely give up. I’ve been through a lot in my life, fielded a ton of curveballs, but I didn’t doubt that I could do it. I don’t want to coast into the end of the term on fumes.

Oh, did I mention I’m trying to give up sugar and work on food addiction issues? I have a therapist for that, but it’s a big part of the equation.

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So, who’s been there, done that?