I just dropped my phone, my HTC one which I love more than reason, fall while riding my bike. It hit the sidewalk and the screen is broken now. I'm now sitting at home, crying. It's not a passionate cry but the kind like you've given up. Like I've given up.
I'm 3 days from handing in my graduation project for my final grade. I've been working every day and almost every evening, either on this project or on the move to a new apartment with my boyfriend (great timing). He hasn't been much help. Yesterday when I told him I was at the end of my rope and felt broken and needed a nap after work but had to finish working afterwards, he said that that was okay and he'd cook while I napped. I got home, he wasn't there (he works closer), I took a nap, he wasn't there, I fed the cat and went back to bed, woke up and he wasn't there. 2 hours after getting home I decided I was done waiting, I felt completely empty and zombified, being hungry and tired and sickish. I got to cooking and just after that he got home. He cut up a quarter of a chorizo and left the rest of the cooking too me. Afterwards he cleaned the shower which was nice, but unnecessary and asked me to do the dishes. That is not supporting me. I don't know what that is but it didn't feel like support.
The thought about him hearing that I dropped my phone and breaking it makes me start crying all over again. I know what he'll say because I can already hear him say it. Why am I so careless, why don't I pay attention to what I'm doing. Don't I know that that costs money (I bought it myself) and now I'm going to be telling him that I'm out of money again and he'll have to cover dinner more this month (he has more than 4 times my income. but I pay equally for everything until I'm out of money) and he hates me complaining.
The thought of him finding out just makes my head echo with what a stupid bitch I am. Why am I not more careful? Why couldn't I just put it in my purse until I got home?? It's only 45 minutes for christ's sake! Why am I like this? I just wish I could disappear.
It's just a stupid phone.. Why would it make me snap.