I'm hoping they're in limbo? But I suspect dead fish. I felt better for about two days, and now I feel awful. Part of uncertainty of how I felt came from the fact that I was waiting to find out what's going on between PollyDude and me...but you know what? I still have feels while this gets sorted.

I don't want to do anything. I don't want to read. I don't want to watch youtube. I don't want to watch TV. I don't want to interact with people. I don't even want to clean, and that's what I do when I stress. I organize things rather than trying to organize my brain. I opened the freezer to clean it and almost cried.

Whether or not I'm depressed doesn't hinge on him. I'm depressed. He can help me find an upswing when I start to get really low. I'd feel this way regardless, but normally I'd know there was someone right here with me, and it'd be okay. Right now, I'm navigating on my own, and I don't want to. I want him to come over and snuggle me and PollyDog and watch Firefly or Game of Thrones and eat apple crisp and drink ginger liqueur. Not having those things ADDS to this depressive state, but they're not the source.

Traditional therapy isn't an option right now with mobility issues. I do have an appointment for a telephone therapy program that I participate in...tomorrow. That's an excellent service my insurance provides, by the way.

My family is 1,000 miles away, and while I do have friends here, most of my very best friends live in other states.

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I'm not good at asking for help, guys. But here goes. Can I reach out and ask for some encouragement and whatnot?