So I left work a bit early (don't curr), finished picking up my gift for my intern, came home, took off my pants, and promptly took a "20 minute" cat nap that lasted for an hour and half. I feel better than I did earlier but not by much. I feel groggy and as always disconnected from my husband and baby. I watch them playing and giggling and I just feel like I don't belong. How can I ever be happy enough to be a good parent? I'm just sad all the time.
You guys ask me if I would be so hard on someone who needed insulin or had cancer. And of course the answer is no. When it's your mind that is betraying you it's easy to think the problem isn't chemical. That the problem is you.
The peep is going to my mom's for the weekend and I don't know how I feel. A part of me is looking forward to sleeping all weekend. A part of me thinks I'll just be mentally counting down the hours until we need to pick her up. A part of me feels guilty for pawning her off on our families so much. I really hate how being a mom makes me feel. Inadequate. If anything I'm happy that my husband will get a break from the kid for the weekend. I'll even let him watch his crappy B-zombie movies on Netflix.