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I tried to type 'weekend' and ended up with 'relent', twice,

which is a window deep into my psyche at the moment.

The last few weeks have been rough on my mental health. I haven’t really posted on GT about it because it feels less like there is anything I need to talk out and more like a case where I need to use the skills and tools I’ve got and just handle the individual issues. I’m anxious most of the time. I’m not sleeping well. I’m working too much but also not getting much done because I can’t focus well either on work, or on selfcare. I’m doing better this week, but it’s exhausting, and I’d like it to be over now.

We have friends visiting next week from across the country. Although I’ll be happy to see them, the extra labour of two other people’s schedules while they are here, and planning things for us to do togeather, and cleaning and stocking the apartment, has alljust been more than I wanted to take on. It’s not even much. It’s just more than I want.


Plus there is the dog’s health, and job hunting, and debt repayment, and I need a haircut, and I need to find something to wear to my mother’s award ceremony next week... It all should be normal life shit. Nothing extraordinary. Basic adulting.

I’ve begun thinking about going to a doctor and asking to go back on SSRIs. I’m totally functioning right now, but I’m not doing well. I’m engaging in a whole bunch of outright escapism and it’s not cheering me up. I don’t know how to figure out if these are just feelings that will pass or if they’re becoming my normal.

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