Of the many headaches that come with a sales/1099 position, payroll seems to be the worst. At some point, I will write about sales, extolling its virtues (I can now order a pizza on the phone!), but this is not that post. Long story short, the burlap sack of rubber dicks that is the guy in charge of payroll seems to be actively trying to NOT PAY ME.

He plays games with my commission, my bonuses, and deliveries to my customers. I have a suspicion that it stems from my incidental highlighting of his shortcomings, i.e. he fucked up a huge order for me and I kicked it up the ladder until things for this customer got entirely sorted out. Ever since that incident, I've had to go over my monthly invoice with a fine-toothed comb, fight for payments one dollar at a time, and remind folks of my commission rate on the reg. I seriously feel like the paper boy from Better Off Dead.

Mind you, I'm the top salesperson in the fucking state for my company, so if anyone should be reaping the financial rewards for hitting my targets and beyond, it should clearly be me. The owners and head of payroll have millions in the bank. I am so far from being financially stable it's almost amusing.


Fuck you, pay me.