This was written by a dear friend of mine. She has struggled with weight and body image as long as I've known her, and various health issues have made the struggle more difficult. She's been stressing out a lot, and wrote this as a Facebook note last night. I asked her permission to post it here.
Don't worry, I'm not going to Eat this Note
29 July 2013 at 02:24 a.m.
More often than not, I'm the person that doesn't care what someone says. I'm confident, happy, totally loving myself and everything to do with me. Sometimes things happen though that eat away at that glowing shield of self-satisfaction. It started with the name calling a few days ago, which is nothing new. I've dealt with name calling all my life. Then I saw pictures of me where I just don't look like my usual self. Then I couldn't fit into one of my old costumes.
The doctor sent me a letter a few weeks ago telling me that my thyroid (or what's left of it after the surgery I had a few years ago) isn't functioning normally. I need to go back in so he can put me on Synthroid to cure my hypothyroidism. Right now, I basically have no metabolism, and in order to even make a dent in my weight I'd have to exercise a minimum of two hours a day. Everything I eat is not being processed correctly and most of it is just becoming fat.
I've gained so much weight in the past six months. I was even doing the Weight Watchers thing where I cut down everything, lost a total of about 14 pounds or so and then the loss just stopped and after that, I gained, on the same diet plan doing the same amount of exercise. Just gaining for no reason. That's probably the exact moment when my thyroid shut down.
I'll admit that I don't exercise like I should. I'm in pain a lot, but that's just an excuse. I really should get out and walk, but then I think about how it really won't do any good and I decide against it.
I don't eat a whole lot. I've never been one that eats a lot. I eat small meals every few hours like I've always been told you're supposed to do. (My son) eats all the junk food before I can even think about eating it and I usually just stick to a sandwich.
The thing that really upsets me is the fact that people will judge you and make assumptions about you and mock you just based on how you look. I can't stand there and explain to every person what all my medical problems are and really, I don't think they'd even listen. They've made up their minds. I'm a fat whale that's lazy and cleans out the all-you-can-eat buffet. I've earned their scornful words because I've done this to myself due to my overall general lack of personal care. Even the doctors make judgements about me. They assume I'm diabetic and use a CPAP machine and have high cholesterol and I can see the look of shock on their faces when they get the results back and everything is normal. I'm fighting an uphill battle trapped in a 300 pound suit that's dragging me back down with every step.
I'm going to have weight loss surgery in September and I wish it was because I want to be healthier. I'm doing it so people will stop making up their own stories in their heads about what my life must be like. I want people to stop thinking that I'm some unfeeling blob that sits on the couch eating buckets of salted lard.
I want to be happy with me, but the world isn't happy with me, and I have to live in it.