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Welcome To The Bitchery

You guise! I'm still kind of in disbelief...

So I went on my first Tinder date last night. As some of you may know I have been single (suuuuper single) since summer 2007. I know I'm old because that doesn't even seem like it was that long ago, but my grandmother and my Ob/Gyn tell me that it is. In that time I have been on exactly two good dates and ZERO dates that I thought were likely to lead anywhere besides possibly a quick romp through the bedroom. And frankly even those have been mostly underwhelming.


The rest of them have been awful on an epically comic scale. The one where I ended up hiding from his ex-girlfriend in the closet. The one who told me that if we dated I wouldn't be "allowed" to cut my hair short. The one who told me within 15 minutes that he hated his mother. The one who I'm pretty sure was high on coke and kept yelling really close to my face...

But y'all, last night was awesome. No sparks per se, no butterflies...but also NOTHING WRONG. And let's be clear, I can find something wrong with just about any guy. Or is it that there is something wrong with just about every guy??? Either way, this one was so awesome it was almost like a dream.


We have been texting for about a week and the conversation has been laid back and funny. Totally not intrusive. He texts me in the evening, after the work day is done like a sane, considerate adult who realizes that people have jobs. He doesn't trip if it takes me a minute to get back to him...he doesn't start every text with "HEY PRETTY LADY!!!" or "HOW ARE YOU TODAY BEAUTIFUL?!!", which I'm sorry but is way too much enthusiasm on the daily for someone you don't know. Just a nice, easy, natural, slightly flirty conversation.

When I met him he was just as cute as his picture (quick stats: 33, 6'2", Negro, dental resident from the South). Just as easy-going. Slightly shy but not awkward and quick to smile and laugh.


Oh and did I mention...???



Not only that, but HE brought it up (I think his exact words were, "She's not that great"...and then he braced himself for the backlash but instead I think I hugged him for about five minutes).

So I mean, basically we might as well get married right?

Other awesome things about him:

  • his parents are still together
  • he has one sister and they're close
  • he let me pay for the second round
  • he told me he doesn't understand how guys marry women who are less intelligent than them
  • he was unimpressed by Chrissy Teigan (see above)
  • he listened attentively to a ten minute, 2-martini feminist rant about how men have an equal parenting obligation and nodded along in agreement
  • he didn't seem to mind my constant swearing

I mean...basically he's perfect I think? At a minimum, he's a guy I totally want to be friends with and THAT is exactly what has been missing in all my other dates. I don't even care if it goes anywhere, I'm just excited to know that men like this still exist out there in the world. And hopefully we will hang out again...


In fact I'm pretty sure we will because he said so and he smiled an adorable smile at me and waved from the opposite subway platform when he got on his train and texted me later to tell me he crushed a box of Popeye's on his way home.


How cute is that?!! Yay!

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