I feel like a caricature of a teenage boy or fratbro.
I think about sex a lot. I want sex a lot. I don't know how much would be satisfying, because I haven't hit that point. I feel bad about it. If I heard a story about a woman who was married to someone who wanted sex from her all the time and she didn't, I would feel sorry for her having to put up with it. But that's me. I don't harass my husband all the time, but he knows my drive is much higher. We have sex once a week, at most, and it feels like taking a deep breath after being under water for a long time. I'm afraid of becoming a cheater. I'm well aware that I'm the one in control of myself in that situation, but sometimes I worry I would get to the point where I don't care. I love my husband as much or more now than ever, we've been together over 10 years. The sex we have is amazing and getting even better; I had an orgasm last weekend that lasted close to a minute! I would love to just have sex with him all the time, but I am attracted to other people. When I meet people, often one of the first things that passes through my mind is whether I'd fuck them. Or if it's a couple, what it would be like to be with both of them. I feel like, if people could see in my head, no one would want to be around me. I kind of like that depravity.
I don't really want to suppress how I feel. The thought of taking hormonal BC or something else to help even me out is depressing. I truly enjoy sex and my sexuality, I'm just frustrated having limited and poor outlets for it. I think I'm feeling extra antsy today because I'm ovulating and that makes me almost physically uncomfortable in my skin in a sexual way. I don't know if that makes sense, but I don't really know how else to describe it. Sorry for dumping on you guys, I just needed to vent somewhere, and the internet is kinda great for that.