TW: Social anxiety stuff. I am incredibly anxious right now. I hate hate hate group things and my coworkers all want to go out to lunch today which is something we don't normally do. This means I'll be forced to socialize with these people (who are admittedly very nice people) in a food situation. Why the hell can't I see this as a good thing? They are all excited to go out and I'm sitting here about to cry because I'm afraid of socializing with them.

On top of that, my wonderful high school friends want to see me tonight as well but with a bunch of my friend's friends (aka strangers) and it's freaking me out.

I'm just feeling really overwhelmed. I want to hermit. I can't be around so many people all day. I don't like being trapped in social situations. I backed out of lunch with the office today with a quick "I'll hold down the fort" but now they all probably think I'm a fucking weirdo for not wanting to go out.

I don't want to disappoint my friends who I haven't seen in months but the prospect of meeting all those new people is making me feel sick. Why can't I just be normal and want to socialize? I am house sitting because I wanted peace and quiet this weekend and I've already got social obligations with strangers after a full day of work where I talk to people all day.

Is it terrible if I bow out of friend stuff tonight? They know that I get anxious around new people. Actually, they know everything about me and they are still cool with me somehow. They're having a fun party for the opening ceremonies with Russian food and lotsa booze.

I just need to calm down. If I don't do the lunch thing, I can do the party tonight. Right?