So I’m turning *mumblethirtycough* in a few weeks and while mired in the middle of an existential crisis I started to think I should do something I’ve always wanted to do to celebrate/mourn. But now I’m worried it’s a stupid idea.

I’ve always wanted to learn to play guitar. After books, music is is a huge obsession for me. I never learned as a child because my parents didn’t want NOISE in their house and steered us towards quiet activities. I sang in middle school and high school choruses so I know I have a pretty decent ear.

I found a music school nearby that does adult classes. It’s called The School of Rock and specializes in teaching music and musical theory using rock music, which, fuck yeah. Doing some internet research they do amazing things for children (why wasn’t this around when I was younger?!) but they also have a pretty good adult school. “It’s never too late!” their website said. I called them up and spoke to a really nice lady who said it would be $175 a month for a weekly, one-on-one forty five minute class. They have loner guitars so I could try it out before I decide to sink my money into an instrument. They do a few trial lessons for free as well. She asked if I wanted to come in next week after work (they’re open until 9 each night, and weekends!) and take a tour, meet my instructor and do a trial lesson. I chickened out and said I’d call her back “after I checked my schedule” (oh Eldritch, you wuss).

I guess I’m scared that they’ll think I’m a total dweb or something. Or a try-hard weirdo. Or just terrible. Or trying to reclaim my youth. Or that they’ll think I’m stupid and delusional. I don’t know. Only one person I’ve spoken to in my real life was excited about it. My mother was lukewarm at best. Am I being stupid in doing this? I don’t want to be a rock star but I think it would be cool to say I can play guitar. I mean, I don’t have anything going for me honestly. I have done zero with my life up to this point. I thought this could be interesting and fulfill a life long dream but now I’m having second, third and even fourth thoughts.