My dad lives in a...skilled nursing/rehab center. I always struggle with how to describe it. It's not an assisted living facility, which makes me think of a place for older people. I guess its mostly people who need around the clock post hospital care, but my dad is there because of a whole host of health issues that stem from his life-long alcoholism. He's in this place, rather than a more traditional retirement home, because it's the only place that doesn't serve alcohol, which he doesn't have the capacity to know he needs to stay away from, at this point. He's going to be there for the rest of his life.

This facility is about 600 miles from me, because that's where my aunt, his sister, lives, and she has power of attorney. However, this year, she decided to go on vacation starting two weeks ago, and ending in mid-April. Leaving my dad totally alone on Christmas.

I don't get any extra time off for the holiday this year, so I'm flying down to him in the morning tomorrow, and taking the last flight back tomorrow night. So I'll rent a car, go see him, awkwardly hang out with nothing to talk about for a few hours, take him out to dinner, then bring him back and fly home.

I have a hard time spending time with my dad under normal circumstances, because I love him, but I don't really like him, or spending time with him, but I know I should, because I can't imagine anything more depressing than being alone in this home on Christmas.

But this is going to be my first Christmas away from my mom's house. No matter what, I've always managed to make it home to her for Christmas day, because when they got divorced, my mom got Christmas, and my dad got Thanksgiving. It just continued into adulthood because my mom is British, so she really doesn't care that much about Thanksgiving. I'm just....bitter because my aunt couldn't start her vacation two weeks later, bitter because my dad is in this situation, bitter because I'm not going to get to see my mom until this weekend, which means I'm missing out, but so is she, because of a man who divorced her 15 years ago. I'm just...really not looking forward to Christmas, for the first time ever.

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