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I'm going to be alone with my baby next weekend.

Every year for the past 5 or so years my husband has gotten together with a group of his high school/college guy friends and spent the weekend out in one of his friend's parent's crappy cabin. They always do it in the winter and they call it "Russian Bunker Night" because the first couple years they did it, it was one night, they wouldn't use and electricity and the cabin has no running water in winter. The one night has expanded into a Thursday night to Monday morning affair and includes them playing D&D, drinking cheap beer and doing jager bombs, eating crappy camp food, pissing outside, and this year he bought a camping toilet. This is my husband's favorite thing ever. He talks about it for months leading up to it. And he really deserves a weekend to go have fun and forget he's a parent. But I'm freaking the fuck out here.

I straight up told him he couldn't leave Thursday night this year, that I needed him to get up with her and take her to daycare for me Friday. But that leaves me with her by myself until I drop her off at a daycare Monday morning. I had a panic attack with her yesterday because my husband got stuck at work late and she was being fussy for me. I called him crying so he rushed home. He is understandably worried about leaving me with her for a weekend. I originally was going to have my mom come and stay Saturday night but she is helping my step dad and his mom move out of her house she just sold that weekend. I'm taking the peep to visit my grandma on Saturday and I'm pretty sure we'll set up me bringing her over to my in laws for the afternoon on Sunday. But I'm sort of terrified. I really don't want to freak out the big bird either again because he really deserves this.

Also I feel like a fucking pathetic loser for being so worried about having to take care of her by myself. I think about single parents, SAHPs, women who's husbands don't lift a finger to help and feel so weak about myself. I really hope I surprise myself and end up stepping up and gaining a lot of confidence from this but I don't know what I will do if it ends up being a tough weekend.

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