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I'm not sure what to do anymore (crisis) [Update]

I haven't stopped crying since I got in my car to drive home. I am so miserable and sick fighting this. I can't keep up the brave face anymore but I'm terrified to admit how bad it is. I feel so weak and stupid. I'm sick of the pity party that my interactions with people have been. Besides that I'm not really sure how I get the people I haven't had a relationship with in the past 8 months to suddenly give a shit about my well being. I've been a crap friend so why do I deserve anything more? I'm spending too much time on the internet and it's affecting my job and my relationships with my hsuband and baby cuz I'd rather avoid how uncomfortable interacting with them makes me feel. The thought of trying to make new friends? Impossible! I have nothing in common with anyone in this fucking city. Oh and i'm supposed to stop self medicating with pot (which is convenient because I currently don't have any). But it's the only thing that distracts me from how much I hate my life. I'm sick of being depressed and hating myself. I'm never going to feel better.

Update: Sorry for scaring you all. My husband came home with the peep and that helped calm me down. I'm still feeling really down but we're trying to keep my mind off of it.


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