Laying down? Lying down? Whatever. I'm not having it. I want to give you guys a recap on what I went through, as a victim, last Wednesday and Thursday during the trial against my sexually abusive ex-boyfriend.

1. On July 1st, 2012, he decided he would put his penis in my mouth while I was asleep. He walked over to my side of the bed with the INTENT to have sexual arousal from his penis entering my mouth. WHILE I WAS ASLEEP.

2. I filed a restraining order in October of 2012. I had warned him that if he did not leave me alone, I would file charges against him. He didn't stop trying to contact me, and ended up breaking into my house. He contested the restraining order, and won. He testified, under oath, to the elements of sodomy and sexual assault. He admitted to the crime and the RO was dropped. I filed criminal charges.

3. A grand jury indicted my ex over a year ago. The charges include sodomy in the first degree, as well as sexual assault 1 and 3.

4. He hired the most successful, slimy criminal defense attorney in our city. This attorney mostly represents people who are trying to get out of DUI charges, and men who have had sexual assault/rape charges brought against them. Earlier this year, he helped a husband get out of a spousal rape charge. (silver lining to that: the husband was still charged with assault). According to the victim services woman who sat with me throughout the entire trial (she was a fucking god send), this attorney is well known for victim blaming, slut shaming, and being a part of the "boys club" in said county where this assault took place. All around bad dude.

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5. My ex's uncle is a circuit court judge for the county this assault took place in. His father is an attorney in the county. His close family friend is another circuit court judge in the county (he's the presiding judge). Needless to say, this mother fucker had connections.

6. My ex's uncle shirked his responsibilities as a judge and civil servant the days of the trial, and sat in as a "member of the public" on his nephew's criminal trial. I later found out from the victim's assistance representative that he was late for TWO TRIALS during that time, leaving attorneys and families waiting for upwards to 45 minutes because he was sitting in on his nephew's criminal trial. In between sessions, or when the jury was entering/leaving the courtroom, he made sure to pat my ex's attorney on the back and shake his hand at every opportunity. He knew what his presence was doing to this trial. How this was ethically okay for a judge to do, I do not know.

7. While I was testifying and being asked questions by the DA who was representing the state in this case, he and his attorney made sure to scoff, laugh, and roll their eyes at my answers. I honestly thought that this reflected poorly on them to the jury, and could only hurt their case. I was wrong.

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8. My ex's attorney called him up to the stand to testify, and he admitted to all elements of the crime(s). I honestly thought that having testified to the crimes TWICE now, under oath, that it would result in his conviction. I was wrong.

9. After waiting 2 years to see my day in court, the jury decided his fate in 15 minutes. It was a unanimous decision that he was not guilty of all charges. I was devastated.

10. The victim's assistance woman walked me to my car, making sure I was okay to leave and go home. While standing at my car and exchanging cards so I could keep in contact with her about helping with other victims, my ex and his family walked down the street right in front of me and where my car was. Literally 5-7 feet away from me. I held my tongue, and just watched as they walked by.

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11. While I watch them walk in front of me, a juror from the jury for the case we just had walks up to my ex and his family and says, "We were all rooting for you. It was a unanimous decision, and I'm so glad you can move on with your life. God bless you." She continues to shake his hand, and congratulate him. My ex's father notices I am watching (as well as the victim's assistance woman), and gestures to the group to move farther down the sidewalk.

12. The judge that was brought from OUT OF COUNTY then walks by, and approaches my ex and his family and shakes my ex's hand. I cannot hear what he is saying to my ex, because they had the decency to move down the fucking sidewalk. I made sure that the juror and the judge both saw I was standing and watching this all unravel before me.

13. The victim's assistance representative told me that all of the women in the building were rooting for me, and they were all aware of how hush-hush this case was throughout the building/departments. Apparently, no one wanted to TOUCH this case because it was the nephew of one of the circuit court judges for the county. There is also an extreme amount of animosity and hatred between the DA's office and the judges (according to the victim's assistance woman), resulting in the judges not giving two shits about a victim's rights.

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I did not get my day in court. I did not get a fair trial. There is some incredibly fucked up shit going on in that county, and I witnessed it first hand. It makes me sick to my stomach that other women have had to deal with this bullshit, and I am NOT FUCKING HAVING IT. An assailant who confesses to all of the elements of the crime (TWICE) was acquitted, and that is not justice. It is fucking nepotism, in this case. How a jury can unanimously decide he is not guilty, after confessing to the crime twice, is incredibly frightening. How is this still happening, in 2014?

I have talked with my parents, and I've decided to take this to levels that go higher than his judge uncle (JUNCLE). I am writing a letter to my representatives, to the governor, to the state-wide news source. I am writing a complaint to the Commission on Judicial Fitness and Disability. I am taking this to whoever will listen. I am going to make him and his family incredibly uncomfortable, and make this worse than they could've ever possibly imagined. I am ready to take a fucking stand. What happened to me is NOT okay.