To start, I must give some back story. Last month I was shopping around downtown in a kinda dollar store place here (the ones where nothing in the store is actually just a dollar anymore), and came across a pretty decent looking bike lock for $3. Me, being half Dutch and therefore incredibly cheap, the first thing I thought was "SCORE! What a deal!" and threw it in my basket and went on my way.

Fast forward...

So just recently I've decided that I need to stop being such a lazy cow and make a bit of an attempt at ridding myself of this extra pudge that seems to be developing around my waistline. I really despise diets, hate running, and hate going to the gym, so those options were immediately thrown out the window, along with any remaining dreams I had of losing this chub. Feeling hopeless, I finally realized "duuuhhh you donkey, you have a bike! Ride the fucking thing instead of letting the bus cart your lazy ass around town! Plus, you have your new lock!". It a was settled. Absolutely anywhere I need to go, I have to bike there (within reason, but no silly excuses). And so my journey into becoming a bike person began!

I live literally just outside downtown, and get a free bus pass each month, so continuing my lazy ass lifestyle was super easy. Anywhere I needed to go, just walk to the corner and BAM you're on a bus! Great right? Well, not so great for my tummy and ass chubbiness. At the same time, that makes biking wherever I need to go super convenient as everything is relatively close. I have my daily trip to the pharmacy for MMT and whatever other mountain of errands come up, and visit my Grama daily if not every other day - and I am biking it to and from anywhere else! Wooo exercise!

Yuhhh, I even know my proper hand signals for turning, even though I think I look like someone who is probably missing a few brain cells when I do it. I just somehow can't look as cool as those serious bike people, with their tight little shorts and shirts, spiffy helmets, and bike gloves. They're so fierce! Grrrr! I try my best to abide by the rules (when someone's looking), stay off the sidewalk (especially when cops are around, because those buggers will ticket you!), and I do try my best to be safe (although I refuse to wear a helmet). But that's pretty good, right?

I even had my first bike person problem! Remember that pretty decent looking bike lock I got such a deal on? Turns out it's not so decent after all. Total boner kill. After visiting a family member, I go to unlock my bike... Problem. For some reason this really decent lock was being really sticky. I got the key in, but when I would try to turn it in either direction, nothing happened. GREAT. Now I'm pretty frustrated as I've been trying to turn this key for a couple minutes now, and then SNAP. Key breaks in half right inside my lock. EVEN BETTER. Now I'm really screwed, and also really fucking angry (and I mean really angry). After cursing and spazzing out for a bit, having a smoke, and regrouping, we decide we're going to try to cut through it (by the way, 'we' is me, and my almost 80 year old Grama).

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There aren't very many things/tools around an 80 year old woman's house that are very good for cutting through the braided metal wiring inside the plastic tubing of a bike lock, but we were going to have to make do. The only thing I could find that might have a remote chance of cutting through my lock was some old, dusty ass pliers; you know the ones with the little wire cutting piece at the base? Ya, those pieces of garbage. Needless to say, it wasn't looking too good. Grama insisted on going first, and made it through the plastic covering, but not before almost accidentally cutting through my break line instead. But the rest was just not happening, and I didn't want to give her a stroke or something, so I insisted on taking over (I would have done it myself in the first place, but this is the only woman on earth that is even more stubborn than me. That's a scary thing). After pinching, hacking, and clipping away at this lock for thirty minutes til I literally had blood dripping down my hands (okay not a ton, but there WAS blood), I finally busted through that tough son of a bitch! SUCCESS! Apparently I'm also quite melodramatic, as I was not the least bit relieved or happy about it, in fact my immediate thoughts were something along the lines of "fuck biking! I don't even want to be a bike person anymore, nor do I even want this bike in my sights!". I walked that stupid bike more than halfway home before I gave in and hopped back on it. Ugh I can't even hold a grudge against a bike.

But I'm a bike person now! Yay me! I'm even thinking of NOT even getting my bus pass for July just to encourage myself to ride more, even though I'm doing an awesome job as is! I haven't even made a single excuse to take the bus instead! I'm so proud, even though my bike is a total piece of garbage that's been around for years, has a broken gear shift (stuck in the lowest gear, which makes hills a bitch), and brakes that are barely hanging in there. But by the end of the summer, this extra tummy pudge will be history...just in time for me to gain it all back over the winter months. yay!