Apologies in advance for cursing, and angry angryness.
So, I've been so happy about this boy, and the fact that he likes me and whatnot. Guess what? We won't be doing anything. Ever. I was supposed to go over and hangout after work last night, but before I was done, he sent me a 5 part text saying it's not that he doesn't like me, he totally does but he doesn't think us having a relationship is in anyone's best interest. He went on to say it's not fair to anyone, especially me because he has a not good track record with women and he isn't capable of giving me what I want and doesn't want everything to get awkward. Basically, he wants to be with me, but doesn't want to piss of my roommates. I think that's ridiculous.
It was 5 texts of nonsense. Utter fucking nonsense. He was perfectly willing to be physical, but he stopped by my house last night, and although I can't prove it, I know he had a discussion with my fucking roommate. The tone and words he used in the texts were not his style, at all. I'm furious. I called him out on it, and he swears it's all him. She claims to not know what I'm talking about, but she did say she's happy it turned out this way. WHAT?!? No, just. No. That's the worst thing you could say to someone, honestly.
All I want is cuddling and sex! I don't do relationships. I can't handle them. I just wanted to fuck someone I know and trust. Why is this too much to ask? I didn't realise a woman asking for no-strings attached sex was so terrible. I haven't had sex in 3 or so years, because there's been no one I trusted enough. And I finally find someone, and he says no because my roommate doesn't want us to? Is this fucking alternate reality world? This makes me feel like he doesn't find me attractive enough or like me, otherwise he would ignore her. That part is probably rubbish, but my brain kills what little self esteem I have when there's this kind of blow.
I'm humiliated and feeling like I'm not good enough. I just wanted a chance to be physically happy for once, and was denied. Like, am I this much of a fuck up that I can't even have sex with someone?