Or my aunts & uncles & cousins. It's been a little over three years since I saw any of them and some months since I was officially shunned for my behavior but it just hit me on my drive home: I don't think I'm going to see any of them. Like, ever again, unless I repent and rejoin their bullshit cult.

That fucking song Say Something came on the radio and brought about this realization, fuck that sad shit song (I love it). And I started crying so hard I almost had to pull over. I should've realized sooner the finality of the situation, but I tend to avoid that kind of depressing reflection (which is probably why I tend to self-medicate).

I don't like how some top 40 song can come on the radio and completely destroy my composure. Like I have this total fucking sadness right under the surface and anything that reminds me that it's there brings it straight to the top.

Maybe it will get easier. After five years, or ten years, or however many years it takes for me to completely forget what my brother even looks like. But then, he looks just like me. I never even liked him that much. He was always kind of an asshole. But we have the same sense of humor. So many times we would both be laughing and everyone else would look at us like, what the fuck is wrong with you guys?

Sucks. But I still have my mom and dad and younger brother. This is such a stupid problem to have, though.