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I'm The Bride of My Nightmares

I used to work at a fancy-shmancy wedding dress store, and my day job was like living in an episode of Say Yes To The Dress. I fucking loved it. EXCEPT FOR THE NUTBARS.

Once a week I would get a nutbar. Sometimes they were just really picky brides who were impossible to please. Sometimes they were crawling up my ass because they didn't fit in their dress anymore. Mostly they were just balls of hormones and nerves and excitement that needed to Calm The Fuck Down. I didn't like the nutbars, but I understood them. And now I know that I understood them so well BECAUSE I AM ONE OF THEM.


Fiance and I got engaged nearly a year ago but just got around to planning. Wedding will be in October next year, god willing that this fucking lady at the goddamn hotel lets me do what I want and oh look at that, I'm doing it again.

We're trying to be budget conscious, but our budget is decently healthy and we're only inviting 40 people so this should be easy, right? Sweet jesus it is not. I just want to have a nice, quiet ceremony and roll right into a nice dinner with everyone. No wild parties, no big huppa made entirely of hydrangeas. Except that the hotel requires two hours between ceremony and reception, and their solution is to have a two hour cocktail hour (THAT'S A FUCKING CONTRADICTION GODDAMN IT) and let us do it for free provided we pay for drinks and food for the duration of the cocktail (two)hour. So not for free at all. Like an extra grand not for free. And a two hour cocktail hour feels excessive considering our ceremony is going to be 30 minutes max, and the dinner will probably take 2 hours, maybe 3.


I emailed their event person back and in my email I sound like a bitch but all I'm asking is for an itemized list of costs (because it feels like they pulled the deposit out of thin air) and to see if they'll cut the cocktail (two)hour down to a cocktail hour. In any other contract situation this would be totally normal, but because I'M A BRIDE WOOOO I'm terrified that venues and vendors are going to think I'm a pain in the ass because I have opinions.

Hold me.

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