I've been crying like everyday for the past 3 weeks, lolz. Just over stress, frustration, exhaustion, etc. And about my future and stupid fears and stuff. So maybe I'm on emotional overload, but right now, I just watched 3 videos my mom posted on my Facebook wall back in 2009 during my first semester of university. They were of my 7/8-year-old (at the time) sister saying things like, "Lady Rainicorn, I miss you! *blows kiss*" or "Lady Rainicorn, look at this Christmas tree! I can't wait to see you! Miss you *blows kiss*" and I'm just fucking bawling my eyes out because I miss my little sister. I mean, she's right in the next room, but I miss her as a kid. I miss her adorable little self and her mannerisms and the funny thing she'd say and do. She's awesome now, but she's 14 and has, like, a typical teenager attitude and I don't know...time goes by so fast. My little sister will never be a kid anymore and one day, she'll no longer be a teenager and she'll just keep growing and growing. These things are hard to reconcile. Even when it comes to my own age, sometimes, I'm amazed that I'm 23 and no longer an 18-year-old or 14-year-old or whatever. These things make me sad. I'm not saying that I miss being 18 or 14, but I guess this is just me struggling with time and change. This is one of the reasons that as I get older, I'm more afraid to have kids. I'm too emotional of a person to handle changes like this. I love my little sister and seeing her grow up is great, but it's just fucking hard.
:( Sorry for the sad post. I wish I didn't think about things this way. I wish I wasn't so sensitive and overly emotional and that I looked at those videos and laughed instead of cried.